Die for you
by Enchantix6789
Summary: When Jade brakes up with him, getting back together with her will be harder than Beck thought after an unexpected disaster occurs. Rated M to be on the safe side. TRIGGER WARNING.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hi everyone! Just thought you should know that this is in Beck's P.O.V. Anyway... enjoy!**

I feel like a part if me is missing, my other half. Jade is my other half. We go together like black and white, like day and night, like dark and light; contrasting, yet incapable of existing without the other. Now I'm just a dog without its bark, a pair of scissors without its handles. A guy without his whole world. She threw it all way. Our relationship was tossed to the kerb like a gum wrapper; disregarded and unwanted. All because of a girl flirting with me. _Another_ girl flirting with me. How could Jade end what we had over something as stupid as that?

 _I was at Karaoke Dokie with Jade, who was singing on stage, when_ _ **she**_ _came in._

" _Hey there handsome" Purred a brunette girl in a black, strapless mini-dress and black high heels, a flirtatious expression on her face._

" _Hey..." I replied._

" _What brings you here tonight cutie?" She enquired as she edged closer to me._

" _Um, the music"_

" _Well... I think it was fate..."_

 _She takes a seat next to me._

 _Now she's complimenting me on my looks, my hair and before I know it, she's inching closer an closer until... her lips are locked on to mine._

 _Suddenly, Jade stops singing and I tear away from the kiss._

 _The look on her face is something I'll never forget. It was a mixture of devastation and rage. Her glare was so hard it might've bore holes into my soul and her knuckles were clenched, becoming as white as ice; but what got me the most, were the tears glistening in her eyes._

 _Dropping the microphone, Jade runs off stage and out of Karaoke Dokie._

 _Ignoring the protests of the brunette, I dash off after her._

" _Jade!" I yell._

 _She comes to a halt and turns to face me, furiously wiping away tears. "WHAT BECK?"_

" _Listen, I'm sorry! It got out of hand."_

" _More than a little out of hand!" She snaps as she rolls he eyes. "You kissed her!"_

" _No, you've got it all wrong,_ _ **she**_ _kissed me!"_

" _You could've at least told her you had a girlfriend!"_

" _Babe, it didn't mean anything, you don't need to get so jealous."_

" _I think I'm being rightfully jealous! How many times has this happened before? How many times have you left out the detail that you have a girlfriend when someone flirts with you? How many? Tell me Beck, HOW MANY?"_

" _...Jade I-"_

" _Save it Beck! I refuse to put up with this any longer!" My breath hitched as I prayed the words I was dreading to hear didn't come out of her mouth. "We're over!"_

 _I felt like I'd taken a bowling ball to the gut, like all the wind had been knocked out of me. Her words haunted me "We're over". They repeated themselves again and gain in my mind like a broken record. Desperate to fix this, I call after her, "Jade wait! Let's talk about this!"_

" _I think the girl you just swapped spit with is still inside; go talk with her!_

It's not like it's _my_ fault she kissed me!

... it _is_ my fault.

It wasn't Jade's fault for being possessive, it's mine for being such an idiot.

It wasn't that brunette's fault for the kiss, it's mine because I never prevented it.

Jade's right: when girls flirt with me, I _never_ mention I have a girlfriend.

Had a girlfriend.

"How can Jade end this?" is not the question I should be asking myself. It's: "How could _I_ have let this happen?"

What have I done? I've been such a jerk. Jade doesn't deserve that. I've got to make things right. I grab my car keys and hurry out my RV. I **have** to find Jade.

Jade's not at her house, she's not at school, not at Cat's. It's now been at least three hours since I began looking for her; I've searched just about every conceivable place... except one. The pub.

Things weren't always easy for Jade. Suffering constant abuse from her parents sent her into a state of depression. The only way she dealt with this pain was by drinking. I first found out about this not long after we'd first started dating, so I obviously acted quickly. Thankfully, she stopped. Why bar attenders ever allowed her to drink at her age, I'll never know. Now, I'm worried that after what happened at Karaoke Dokie, she'll result to drinking her problems away again.

Driving up to The pub, I spot her. She's by the entrance, seeming to be contemplating whether to go in or not. Quickly, I park my car and leap out.

As I'm running to Jade, I can hear drunken slurs, but they're not hers. There's a man not that far away from where Jade is standing, he's _definitely_ been drinking. He's shaking violently and tumbling about all over the place and is engaged in a fight with another drunken man. He pulls a gun out. He attempts to aim at the other man. But he's trembling so much. He misses. His aim is way off. The gun is aimed towards...

"JADE!"

I dive in front of her.

The gun-shot rings put like a banshee's wail. An overwhelming sense of agony engulfs my senses.

For a moment, everything's all a blur. My vision is hazy and I can hear a faint voice. Jade. She's crouching down beside me.

"BECK!" I hear her scream. "BECK!"

Unable to speak, all I can do is groan in pain.

"Beck! Don't worry! I'll call an ambulance!"

I reach for her hand, "No, babe, it's to late." I've noticed the sea of blood beside my head.

"No! NO! IT'S NOT TOO LATE!" She yells as she begins to cry.

"Shhhh, shhh, It's okay." I comfort as I reach to stroke her hair. Her _beautiful_ , dark hair. "Jade... I'm sorry about-"

"Shhhhhhh, it doesn't matter Beck." She says as a fresh wave of tears emerge.

"Don't cry babe. I hate seeing you like this."

"BECK! Don't leave me! Please!"

"I'll never leave you Jade."

She leans down to kiss me. Her tears cascading from her cheeks onto mine.

The pain increases. I know my time is running out.

"Jade, I love y..."

 **A/N: Thanks so much for taking the time to read this! So... what did you think of it? Did It make you depressed? Did you cry? Did you need** _ **more**_ **sap at the end? Please review and let me know!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Trigger Warning: depressing scenes (um, all of it), self harm, attempted suicide. This is in third person.**

She sat staring at it. Watching it like a hawk. It wasn't going anywhere, but it teased her. Mocked her. It knew what she wanted to do, and why she wanted to do it. The metallic, deadly object glinted in the early evening sunlight seeping through the window. She couldn't do it anymore; she couldn't bear to live another minute.

 _ **-3 days earlier-**_

Jade sat in the middle of the street, wailing. An onlooker had witnessed what had happened and called an ambulance. They took Beck's body away, unaware that they'd also took a part of her with them. She was just left there. No-one really noticed the distraught girl, Beck was the priority. He was rushed off to hospital, the paramedics desperate to save his life; but Jade knew: Beck was gone.

In fear of vomiting from crying too much, Jade forced the tears to stop coming. Then she remembered what he had said: _"Don't cry babe, I hate seeing you like this."_ Jade found herself sobbing once again, and half-hoping she would feel Beck's comforting arms wrap around her. To her surprise, she felt a hand on her shoulder. Whipping her head around, she jumped back, shocked to see Tori Vega standing behind her.

"I know… about what happened." Tori said, her eyes watering. "Someone called the cops, and my dad was put on the case."

Jade was about to yell at Tori, and tell her she couldn't care less. She wanted to be alone. However, all the crying had taken its toll on her. A wave of nausea hit her and she began feeling increasingly dizzy. Noticing this, Tori steadied Jade.

"Let's get you home."

 **XXXXXX**

Tori ended up taking Jade back to her house, since Jade's was further away and Tori knew Jade needed rest. She was shivering as if she was having a mini seizure, was extremely pale (more so than usual anyway) and hadn't said a word the whole car ride. The Latina found spare pyjamas for Jade to where and put her to sleep in Trina's room (who was on school trip for the week). After finishing tending to Jade, Tori collapsed on the sofa, and let herself cry. She couldn't believe it, she hoped it was all a terrible nightmare; but she knew, this was a real as it gets.

Both girls cried themselves to sleep, although, they didn't get much due to the fact that they arrived at Tori's place at half-past-five in the morning. Tori knew Jade was in no sate to go to school today, so she let her sleep some more. In the meantime, she left the house to visit Cat, Robbie and André. She had to be the one to tell them about Beck. Her dad had offered to tell them, but Tori told him he had to look after Jade while she was gone; she had to be the one who tells them.

Playing the conversation she was going to have over in ahead, Tori walked to a nearby park to meet the others, the harsh, bitter wind whipping her cheeks. Cat was squealing in delight as she swung back and forth on a kiddie swing. André and Robbie sat peacefully on a bench, chatting away. It broke Tori's heart, to seem them like this. She was going have to take all their happiness away. Rip it away from them; a happiness they may never experience again.

Looking up, André smiled as he spotted Tori heading towards them. His smile quickly faded when he noticed that she was weeping

"Tori, what's wrong?" He asked as he and Robbie hurried over to her, Cat following close behind them after she gracefully jumped off the swing.

"It's-it's… it's Beck"

"What about Beck?" Robbie and André asked in unison.

Tori sniffled. "He's…"

"He's…?" André pushed.

"He's… he's dead."

All three were dumbstruck. They couldn't quite fathom what they'd just been informed of.

"No…NO!" Robbie yelled. "You have to be joking! YOU HAVE TO BE JOKING!

Tori shook her head in response, tears falling from her face as she did. A heart-wrenching sob escaped from Cat, Robbie and André began bawling too as they hugged each other. Tori managed to pull herself together a bit; of course she wanted to cry her heart out also, but she knew she had to be the strong one.

André was the first one to be able to speak without having a break-down. "How's Jade?"

"She's staying over at my place." Tori responded. "Come on, you can all stay 'round mine today."

All four trudged off to Tori's, thoughts of Beck plagued their minds.

 **XXXXXXX**

Jade was certain that no-one was going through anywhere near the amount of pain she was going through right then. She'd spent all morning just lying on Trina's bed. There was nothing else she could do. Now that Beck was gone… well, there wasn't really any point in doing anything. She wouldn't let herself fall asleep, the first time she did she dreamt about the previous night; and she didn't want it see that again, she'd already seen it one too many times.

Snuggling deeper under the covers, she nuzzled Beck's shirt, which she had removed from him before the ambulance arrived. She needed one last thing to remember him by. Blood stained the shirt. It made her sick to her stomach; though, she'd never wash it off. It was _Beck's_ blood. Even his blood she wanted to keep.

Every time she felt her heavy eye-lids close, she would spring them back open. Not only because she didn't want to fall asleep, but because she didn't want her mind to wander off to thoughts of Beck. She would only cry, and she swore she'd never would again.

Her stomach lurched. Half due to nausea, half due to hunger. As if reading her mind, a few minutes later Tori came in, holding a tray of food.

"Hey Jade." Tori said. "I thought you could use a little breakfast."

"I'm not hungry." Jade lied. She was probably just going to puke it up if she ate anything.

Tori sighed. "Well, at least drink some water."

"Fine." Jade took the glass of water Tori was holding out to her and took a sip.

"André, Robbie and Cat are here. Do you wanna go seem them?"

"No."

"I'm sure you'd feel better if you spoke to them."

"No. Now go away."

"If you just-"

"TORI! SPEAKING TO THOSE THREE IS NOT GOING TO BRING BECK BACK!"

A hurt look appeared on Tori's face.

"If you need anything, I'm downstairs." She said as she exited the room, her voice wavering.

Jade groaned and slammed her head on the headboard of the bed. _"I'm sure you'd feel better if you spoke to them." The only way I'll feel better is if Beck was here. And I know that's not happening._

 **XXXXXX**

Jade stayed at Tori's the rest of the day. As did the others, but Jade refused to speak with them; apart from when Cat ran into the bedroom and gave her a hug. Tori came up to check on Jade a couple of times, to brink her lunch and dinner. However, those just added to the other tray of uneaten food.

Sometime around seven in the evening, after the others had left, Tori came up to Jade once more.

"Jade, I think it's time I dropped you back home."

Bolting upright, Jade vigorously shook her head.

Tori furrowed her brow. "What's wrong?"

"I am **not** going back home."

"But why?"

Jade wondered whether or not she should tell her. Only Beck had known. But Jade didn't need her abusive parents to add to the cr*p she was already going through. Plus, she knew Tori wasn't going to stop nagging her to tell her why she wouldn't go back home.

Sighing, Jade answered, "If you must know, I don't exactly have the best patents in the world. They abuse me."

Tori was taken aback. "Jade, I'm so sorry."

"I don't need you feeling sorry for me Vega."

"I-I just didn't know."

"Why'd you think I spent so much time at Beck's?"

It was while before either of them said anything. Tori really didn't know how to handle the situation at first. Should she tell her dad to arrest Jade's parents? It is the right thing to do after all; but no, Jade wouldn't be able to cope with it, on top of everything else. Should she send her back home and let her deal with it? Of course not, It's out of the question.

"You can stay here tonight Jade, in fact stay as long as you need to."

A small, appreciative smile flickered on Jade's face.

"Thanks Vega."

"No problem Jade."

 **XXXXXXX**

The next day, Jade, Tori, Cat, Andre and Robbie stayed off from school again, too traumatized by their friend's death. The day after they went back to Hollywood Arts, except from Jade. Unfortunately, their state only worsened.

Jade didn't get any better either. Tori checked on her once more when she returned from school, but Jade just screamed at her to get out. Tori, however, wasn't giving up on Jade this easily. The devastated goth still had eaten nothing; and even if she had to force her (but she hoped it wouldn't come to that), she _would_ get Jade to eat something. Tori made her way down to the kitchen. Deciding that Jade was more likely to drink coffee than eat anything, she turned on the kettle and plopped down on the kitchen counter.

...who was She kidding? She knew Jade wasn't going to accept anything. She would only push her away. Things would only get worse. Something inside Tori snapped, and she threw everything on the kitchen counter across the room. The cutlery, dishes, glasses, all now as shattered as her heart. As if her tantrum had drained her of all her energy, she fell to floor and curled herself up into a ball. That's when she noticed it. The knife.

She sat staring at it. Watching it like a hawk. It wasn't going anywhere, but it teased her. Mocked her. It knew what she wanted to do, and why she wanted to do it. The metallic, deadly object glinted in the early evening sunlight seeping through the window. She couldn't do it anymore; she couldn't bear to live another minute.

Tori walked over to the knife. She picked it up and raised up towards her throat...

"VEGA, WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Jade shrieked as she ran down the stairs to Tori. "I come down to apologise and I find you trying to kill yourself!"

"I can't take it anymore Jade!"

"Tori, I know you miss Beck, but-"

"NO! I do, but it's not just that! I've seen how this has affected everyone: Cat and Robbie won't stop crying, Robbie even through Rex away, and I know how much Rex means to him! André's going on a huge rampage and causing havoc around school, I find out that you're being your parents are abusing you and you're starving yourself! I can't bear to see my friends like this!"

Jade lunged for the knife, missing, but grabbing on to Tori's wrist.

"I need you to give me the knife." Jade said calmly (well, as calm as she could be in the current situation); she knew she needed to be careful about what she did or else Tori might freak out and harm herself. Or worse.

"No! You know why I have to do this!"

"Tori, Beck wouldn't want this!"

Tori dropped the knife and it fell to the kitchen floor with a clatter. Jade kicked the knife away then hugged the now bawling Tori.

 **XXXXXXX**

An hour had passed, and Tori was still quite shaken up. She couldn't quite believe that she'd almost taken her own life. The two girls just sat, not saying a word. Jade struggled to find the right words to say to Tori. She's obviously hit a nerve when she said that Beck wouldn't want her to kill her self; but in all honesty, that was the only reason Jade hadn't done the same. To Jade's surprise, Tori was the one to break the silence.

"You're right. Beck wouldn't have wanted this. Thank you."

"Your welcome Ve-, Tori."

"I'm sorry I didn't come to you for help. I could've avoided all of this."

"It's fine. I know it's not easy. Can't say I really wanted to talk to anyone about what I'm feeling."

"Well, you can talk to me about it now if you want?"

"No, it doesn't matter. You all ready know."

Tori looked puzzled. "I do?"

"Yeah, cause you're going through the exact same thing that I'm going through."

"You mean, you wanted to..."

"What, you didn't think I wanted to end my life too? You know how much Beck means to me!"

"I don't know, I guess? I just wasn't thinking."

"Yeah, you weren't! You held a knife to your throat!"

"I know! I'm sorry!" Tori groaned.

"Listen, things aren't going to get better by committing suicide. It would've just made things worse for the others."

Tori looked like she was about to start crying again, so Jade moved closer to Tori and gave her a squeeze.

"You know, I wasn't thinking straight either." Jade said. "You're right, I need to eat something."

"I'll make you dinner now then."

"You sure you okay now?" Jade asked as she placed her hand on Tori's shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm a lot better now, thanks."

For a moment, Jade was filled with a sense of peace that she hadn't experienced in a long time; then, she was overwhelmed with sadness. She was happy, happy that Tori was not going to harm herself, but she knew she would never be as happy as she once was, with Beck.

"I'm just going upstairs, I'll be back in a minute."

 **XXXXXXX**

Jade went back up to Trina's room and grabbed Beck's shirt.

"Oh Beck, if only you knew how crazy you're making everyone." She whispered to herself. "Why'd you have to leave?"

" _I'll never leave you Jade."_

Jade would never leave him either, she would always keep him in her heart.

She remembered his last words: _"I love y-..."_

"I love you too."

Suddenly, she felt weak and dizzy. Jade had to lean against the bedside table to steady herself.

"Jade." Came a voice from behind her.

She turned around. "BECK!?"

Jade dropped to the floor.

Everything went black.

 **A/N: Yo! Hope you didn't find that** _ **too**_ **depressing. Actually I feel I focused more on the depressingness than the actual story, so, sorry. On the bright side: a new chapter is coming! By the way, did the first paragraph trick you into thinking it was referring to Jade? Let me know please! Thanks for reading** _ **please**_ **review; I would be so very happy if you did!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N:** This is in third person. Virtual hugs for anyone who reads this chapter! Enjoy!

 **XXXXXXX**

Reaching for her head, Jade groaned as she writhed in agony. She felt so light-headed she thought her head might as well have been air. Her ears rang so loud it was as if someone dropped a microphone in her head.

She didn't understand what was going on. She could see nothing. Her eyelids weighed down. The only thing she could feel was the unbearable pain she was experiencing.

"Jade."

She could only just hear that someone was calling her name through the high-pitched sound resounding in her ears.

"Jade."

She knew that voice.

Then, it all came back to her.

Jade forced her eyes open and slowly and staggeringly stood up. She was still in Trina's room. It was exactly how she remembered it before she blacked out. The same sickly, hot pink bed-spread, the same stack of trays of un-eaten food, the same dent in the wall from when Jade needed to take out her anger. Only one thing was different- the silky-haired, teenage boy standing in front of her.

"Beck!" Jade threw herself into Beck's arms. His arms wrapped around her and soothed her as she wept.

Wanting to make sure he was _actually_ there, Jade ran her fingers through his locks and hugged him as tight as possible, like she feared he would suddenly disappear; but he was there. He was _real._ She could feel his fluffy hair and his firm frame.

"Beck! H- how are you here? How are you alive?" Jade asked frantically.

Beck pulled away from the embrace and cupped his girlfriend's face in his hands. Staring deep into her azure eyes, he took a deep breath before answering.

"Jade... I'm... I'm still dead."

"Then, how are you here?"

He couldn't bear to tell her. Instead, he motioned to the floor. Jade followed his gaze.

She froze in shock.

Right beneath her feet, was the dishevelled, cadaverous body of... Jade!

"Babe, you're having an out of body experience. You've starved yourself so much... you're dying."

It probably pained his heart more than Jade's.

Jade tried to speak, but found herself uncontrollably fumbling over her words. So Beck did all the talking for her.

"I'm so sorry this is happening to you, Jade. There's still a chance, but there's not much time! You need to get back into the position your... body is in. You'll return to normal and you'll live- but **only** if you eat."

Jade nodded. "O-okay."

Beck crashed his lips onto hers. They quickly, but passionately kissed. He knew he'd never get another chance to do this again.

"You need to go. Now. Before it's too late."

Jade kissed him once more.

"I love you," They both said in unison.

The goth began to crouch down, when she suddenly shot back up again.

"Beck, I'm not going back! I want to stay with you!"

Beck was gobsmacked. "Jade are you insane? You'll die if you don't go back!"

"I know, Beck, but if being with you means dying, then... then that's what I'll do."

Beck began to shed tears. He couldn't have imagined anything worse happening to him. Worse than death. He never would've imagined there could've been anything worse than dying. Jade was going to give up her life... for him!

"No! I can't let you do this!"

Jade grabbed his hands fast. " _Please!"_ She stared hopefully into his tear-stained eyes; her own tears blinding her slightly.

Leaning his fore-head onto Jade's, he said, "It would make me so happy if we could be together, but you know I can't let you do this. I love you too much for that."

Jade sniffled in response.

"And-" Beck continued. "I'll know that if you love me too, you'll let me go."

"But I can't! I don't want to leave you again"

"I'll never leave you Jade, I told you that. I'll watch over you every day. Don't worry we'll be together again someday, just not yet."

"... okay... for you. I love you."

Beck kissed her one last time, "I love you too. More than anything. Even life."

"I know."

Jade looked down at her body, then back at Beck. "Thank you Beck, for saving my life; twice."

Knowing she'd never leave if she didn't right then, Jade ripped herself from Beck and got down on the floor. Snatching one last glance at Beck... one last time.

One last time.

 **XXXXXXX**

"Jade... Jade!"

Had she been too late? Was she...

Rubbing her head, Jade sat up. Her vision was hazy but she could still tell she was still in Trina's room "Beck?"

"No, it's Tori." The Latina said as observed Jade worriedly. "Don't worry, I called an ambulance. They'll be here soon."

"Thanks."

"What happened?"

"I passed out 'Cause I haven't eaten in days. I should've listened to you."

"It's okay... Jade?"

"Yeah?"

"When you came to... you said "Beck"... why?"

Jade let a small, yet sad smile grace her lips. "Because I know he never really left. And he'll never leave us."

 **XXXXXXX**

 **A/N:** And we're done! It's finished! This was meant to be a one-shot (you can seek how well that worked out)! Fun fact: I shed a couple of tears writing this chapter! So, _please please please_ review; I'm quite proud of this fanfiction so I'd be so very grateful if you could review! Extra virtual hugs for any who does!

 **P.S:** I know Jade doesn't have azure eyes, she has cadet grey eyes (yeah, I researched shades of grey) but 'staring deep into her cadet grey eyes' doesn't have the same ring to it. Forgive me...


	4. Chapter 4

Die For You

 **A/N:** Before you start reading this, I just want to thank you for clicking on my story; this is my favourite fanfiction that I've wrote (and ironically the least popular of my Victorious ones). I beg of you, _please_ review, it means the world to me.

 **XXXXXXX**

Exhausted, Tori collapsed onto the sofa, her legs and arms sprawled in every direction. She lay there for an hour, having no intention of moving until the morning came. Suddenly, Tori was overwhelmed with a sadness, and she couldn't quite fathom why it was there. She's just gotten her casts removed so she should be happy, right?

Sitting up, Tori rubbed her aching joints, still a bit sore from her injuries. Now she remembers.

 _Not enough of a risk taker am I?_ She thought as she recalled the events of some weeks ago. _I'll show them…_ Tori eyed the glass of wine and wine bottle her Mom had left on the table. She staggered over to the table and picked up the glass hesitantly.

Before she could change her mind, Tori thrust the glass to her lips, downing the wine as if it were a shot. Immediately, Tori coughed and sputtered as she clutched her throat, the liquid burning it; but as she did so, her grip released on the glass and fell to the floor, making a shattering, discord sound.

The teenager whipped around, expecting to see her Mom, or Dad, or Trina charge down the stairs. As moments passed by without a sound, she remembered she was alone tonight. Her sister was on a school trip, her Mom had gone out to dinner with a friend of her father's, and her Dad had gotten an emergency call and had to head to work.

Tori breathed a sigh of relief. She looked down at the shards of glass, the reflection spread out on each individual fragment, as if she too had shattered. Her fingers wrapped around the bottle. This time, she took a small sip. Then another. And another. Tori mused at how much she actually liked the beverage now. It tasted _good_. Strange,- certainly an acquired taste- but _good_.

An a hour and a half later, Tori had drank not one, but _two_ bottles of wine, and had started her third. _Ha,_ _Mom and Dad reeaallyy need to hide these better_ she thought. She felt _exhilarated_. It felt so good yet so bad. She was buzzing with excitement; she couldn't believe what she'd done. If she wasn't so drunk, she'd regret it- but drunk Tori was loving her new risk taking persona.

And she wasn't going to stop there.

 **XXXXXXX**

Dressed up, make-up slathered on, another glug of wine taken: Tori was ready. Ready to head out into the night, with no sense whatsoever. She knew what havoc a person could cause when they're drunk. _Tonight is gonna be fun..._ Tori smirked to herself.

Just as she was going to head for the door, a bejewelled masquerade mask on her dressing table caught her eye. It was for a new play Tori was auditioning for that Sikowitz got her, after Tori didn't get the role in the last play she'd auditioned for. She'd been specifically told not to wear the mask outside her house or school.

She snatched the mask off the dresser and put it on.

The night sky was pitch black; the darkness masking the mischievous grin spreading across Tori's fine features. Her drunken manner was not helping her gait, and her voice was rich with alcohol; you wouldn't have known it was Tori.

She practically fell through the door when she arrived at her destination.

Karaoke Dokie.

The blue and purple hued disco lights from inside illuminated the entrance. It was alight with even more little lights dotted around the room. Before going through to the main area, she checked herself out in a mirror hung on a wall, admiring the black, strapless mini dress and black heels which she had taken from her Mom's closet.

Her balance and perception were worsening, so Tori tripped and bashed into the wall. Though she couldn't make out who was, Tori caught sight of a girl singing on stage. Her voice was strong and powerful- entrancing; Tori couldn't help but find the voice familiar.

All this was forgotten when a boy cheering the girl on caught Tori's attention. Squinting, she tried to make out who it was.

Beck!

He looked extra handsome tonight in Tori's tainted eyes. She thought what it would be like to kiss him... She thought how Jade would react; it wouldn't be good- Jade! _That's who's singing..._

Straightening herself up, the heavily drunken Tori clumsily strutted over to Beck. _If this isn't a risk I don't know what is..._

"Hey there handsome." She purrs.

"Hey."

 _This is gonna be easy. Beck's always too polite; he_ _ **never**_ _stands up to any flirting girls. Oh Beck, don't you know the world isn't a place for_ _ **nice, sweet,**_ _boys?_

Tori twirled her hair around her finger. "What brings you here tonight, cutie?"

"Um, the music?" He answers as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Well..." Tori sits down close to Beck. "I think it was fate."

He turns to look at Jade: she hasn't yet noticed that Tori is with him.

"You look very handsome tonight, might I say."

"Uuuhh thanks?"

"And that hair..." Tori reaches out her hand to caress it, and leans in closer as if she's inspecting it. _Now's my chance._ She leans in further... when she hesitates.

 _I can't do this to Jade! I know Beck won't do anything to prevent this._ Pulling away, Tori stares down at her heels. _I guess my friends were right: I really aren't a true risk taker._ Looking up at Jade and Beck, a sad smile graces her lips. _What am I doing? My friends are more important than this stupid illusion that I can be a risk taker._

"You know, you remind me of someone-"

In a flash, Tori locks her lips onto Beck's. She couldn't have Beck realising it was her.

A pit of nausea resides within her- the guilt.

Planning to run out of the bar without Beck being able to connect the dots in time, she prepares to tear away from the kiss, when the ear-splitting sound of a microphone dropping causes Beck to tear away first.

The nausea worsens when Tori sees the distraught look on Jade's face. She runs off stage and out the back, Beck running after her, calling her name.

Confused mutterings arise from the other Karaoke Dokie customers, baffled at the sudden departure of their entertainment. They're all staring at Tori now. Her face turns from a humiliated red to a cadaverous white, like the flickering of disco lights.

The DJ apologises for the interruption, cutting through the awkward silence as Tori bolts out the door.

 **XXXXXXXX**

Stumbling through the night, Tori searches for a place of refuge. She needs to lie down, but she knows she won't last the long walk back to her house.

Concerned people pass by the drunken teenager, contemplating if they should help, but not caring enough to do anything- or maybe they're too scared, scared of risking their own evenings, their reputation. That's the problem: no-one takes the right risks these days. We regret not taking risks and opening the right doors that would've led us to greener pastures and glory, so instead we use that missed opportunity as fuel for something with _real_ risk- with _real_ consequences. Tori learned that the hard way that night, especially with what was going to go down in just a mere few hours.

Hours that counted down the turning point in her life. For Tori, nothing would be the same; for one, her everything would turn to nothing; for another... nothing would be.

Tori wandered down an alleyway, clutching onto the walls and bins as if she was scaling them. Reaching the end, she realised the alleyway had led her near a pub. At that point the several bottles of alcohol she filled her body with she brought back up.

Tori collapsed on the sharp, skin-piercing concrete- tears falling faster than she could keep up with. As if short on breath, a strangled-sounding cry escaped her hoarse throat. Knocking off the now damp mask she covered her face, sodden with running mascara mixed with the water gushing out of her eyes, appearing as if she was crying black tears.

To weak to move, Tori lay on the ground, sobs racking her body, matching the rapid movement of her racing heart.

"JADE!"

A voice cut through the darkness like a knife.

Tori turned her head to where the voice had come from.

A gun shot resounded. Tori shot up, gawping at the horrific scene in front of her. Her face turned a whole knew tint of white as she realised what had happened. She fell to the ground and tried to scream but no sound came from her mouth.

Though mute, she knew she had to call for help.

She scrambled around for her pearphone, and for an distressing moment she feared she'd forgotten it. The millisecond long wait for the operator to pick up made seemed agonisingly long to Tori.

"Hello, what service do you require?" The operator asked.

"Ambulance...police." Tori answered, literally forcing the words out of her mouth.

"Okay, where are you and what is your situation?"

"Uh- um, my friend... he- he's been sho- ot."

"Right, I'm sending someone right now. Just try to keep calm and tell me you're location please."

Tori frantically scanned the pub ahead of her for the sign.

"It's um- um The Black Carnat..."

Her voice trailed off as her eyes met with Beck's.

"Hello?"

The operator's voice faded away, as did everything around Tori- except Beck and Jade.

Remembering her mask was off, Tori's heart stopped.

Looking at her dying friend's limp eyes, she could tell _he knew._

"Okay I need an ambulance and cops at The Black Carnation, now!"

Beck and Tori locked eyes for one torturing second. An inner pain she hadn't experienced before overtook her; a pain worse than when the alcohol deteriorated her insides, worse than seeing the devastation in Jade's radiant features, worse than feeling the guilt eat away at her.

" _I'm sorry."_ She mouthed to her friend, who's head was tainted red.

His eyes turn back to his sobbing ex-girlfriend kneeling by his side.

"Beck! Don't worry! I'll call an ambulance!"

"No, babe, it's too late."

"No! NO! IT'S NOT TOO LATE!"

Not being able to look at the tragic scene any longer, Tori shut her eyes tight. _What have I done? I got into this mess because I wanted to be a risk-taker, now I've hurt the guy who helped me to become more of one in the first place!_

"Shhhh, shhh, It's okay."

Tori covers her ears and buries her head in the knees. She wants so bad to run over to Beck, to hug him, to tell him that she's sorry, to speak to him one last time; but she knows this is Beck and _Jade's_ last moment. Jade's last moment to hug him, Jade's last moment to speak to him one last time.

Tori also knows she doesn't deserve a last moment with Beck.

She opens her eyes and uncovers her ears: his last moment is over.

 _ **-Present day-**_

Wind whipping her face, Tori stood in front of her punishment. She read her late friend's gravestone:

 _Beckett Oliver_

 _1995-2012_

 _Friend, Boyfriend, Son._

A tear trickled down her face when she read the word _son_. She envisioned the life Beck would've lived with Jade if she hadn't been so reckless; she imagined them having a son. She imagined _herself_ having a son.

Tori, Aunt Cat, Uncle André, Uncle Robbie, and Aunt Jade would tell stories of the amazing young man his Uncle Beck was; of how he was a budding actor; grabbed the attention of **all** the girls; of how he stayed calm no matter what; of how he was a hero.

" _But what happened to Uncle Beck, Mommy?"_ her son would ask.

Aunt Jade would abruptly leave the room and the innocent young boy would never question it.

Tori's face would fall. She'd glance over to her friends, who all have solemn expressions. Turning back to her son, she'd give him a sugar-coated answer; the truth that was also a lie. A little white lie to tell all their children- like Santa Claus or the Tooth Fairy.

She'd tell him that he died a hero- but keep hidden what really happened. Then, after a brief moment of bliss, she'd remember that her friend's idea of what really happened, was different from hers.

She could never tell Jade the truth. It would break her- break her even more; until there was nothing left of her. Without Beck, Jade needed Tori, and she wasn't willing to sacrifice their emerging friendship just to get the guilt off her chest. The truth really does hurt. And she didn't want to hurt Jade- she thought she was the one who deserved to feel hurt.

Tori placed the mask down by Beck's gravestone.

"I am _so_ sorry."

.

.

.

.

 **XXXXXXX**

 **A/N:** Bet ya didn't see that one coming. ;)


End file.
